drags hands down face uggggggggggghhhhh this is the continual "I'm super behind on homework" rant where I do nothing to fix it

okay no that's sorta a lie, I'm trying to write currently but it's so fucking slow going and I have class in an hour and it's not even the homework for that class so life is just really hard, okay

could it be made easier by me not playing enstars 24/7? uhhhhh no then my depression might catch up with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm currently working on a new layout!!!! I've got the base theme all installed but it's very......pink...........and I'm planning on working on some graphics for it that will not be very pink XD It's gonna be Knives and Legato, manga edition, once I get off my ass and open up Photoshop.

I'm just hungrryyyyyy ;w;

Other than that, I've gotten some writing done today and spoke to another roofer. yay. Gotta love house spouse life XD

I'm still without mental health meds, but at least I'm done with school for the semester...it didn't turn out great and I'm not really ready to dive into talking about it, but it's done.

This past week has been really productive around the house though!!!!!!! I've cleaned up so much!! It started because Pat found a FREE lovesac couch on craigslist, we drove halfway across the city to pick it up, and it revolutionized my bedroom. It's the size of our big couch in the living room, but since their couches are all sectionals, we split it into two small ones: one for the library and one of my bedroom.

AND IT IS LIFE CHANGING

Because of my shitty back problems, I have very few places I can sit. I can't stand around for long and I don't want to have to lay in bed to hang out in my own bedroom. But lovesac's couches are so fucking comfortable, I can sit on them for hours without being in pain. And now we have a small one under our window! And because of that, I was able to sit on it and, with the help of Pat, Liz, and Chi, go through ALLLLLL of our laundry that's been on the floor for months. OUR ROOM IS CLEAN. WE CAN ACCESS ALL OUR CLOTHES AGAIN!!!! IT'S SO NICE TO BE IN!!!!!

I also finally unpacked all my jewelry from when we moved in last spring and I feel so fanciful. I feel like I can actually accessorize what I'm wearing again ;w;

ALSO VERY COOL: Liz's birth father gave us a projector a few months back and now we can use it to watch anime on our bedroom wall :D




uhhhhh I'm on DW because 1) I haven't updated in weeks and 2) I'm procrastinating taking a break from writing/coding for the next chapter of Finding Hope Like Bleeding Cowboys at Destiny's Crossroads, aka "Gunsmoke High" aka the Trigun LJ AU. I have to make so many icons and I never want to code a playlist again and I know I will XD

WHERE DID ALL OF SPRING BREAK GO?????

Okay, like, I know where it went and I'm gonna do a rundown of it later, but still!!! I don't have time to do it now because SURPRISE: I put off all my homework until now and I have class in two hours and why am I like this.

Probably because my ADHD meds are still on backorder.

But I did manage to write some fic over break!! I did some 3 sentence fics and more importantly, published my 169th fic on AO3. I specifically wrote cannibalism because like, okay, that's kinda my weird brand and apparently the 69th fic I published was also cannibalism and that's just who I am as a person.

(how did I not have a cannibalism tag on here already?)

So that's cool :D I'm very pleased with what I wrote and I probably should have focused on homework but I did not. And that's that XD I'm working on reading through a million pages of poetry for class now, so I'll bust out at least some of what I need to do before class.

And probs later this week write up what I did during spring break (besides go to NYC and get high), because I do wanna hold onto it. I just have pictures to go through and shit like that, so it's taking awhile.

been exceedingly mentally unwell about Trigun, especially Knives and Legato because I don't know how to pick a popular fucking ship sometimes and like, whatever, I don't care, because this is where I am. Because I sat down to work on homework yesterday and thought I could write a little bit of fanfic as a warmup. Because I couldn't just write it as a warmup and I couldn't stop myself, either.

And because now it's 11 am and I went to sleep at 4 am because I did finish what I was writing and it is absolutely one of the best things I've written- not just of this ship or even Trigun but in general: it is fantastic.

It's everything I've been playing around with in terms of experimental formatting and blending prose + poetry + snippets of weirdness and it's a beautiful culmination of years of practice and going to school for this sort of thing.

It's "I've been writing fanfiction for 20+ years and I finally feel like it shows in the best way"

It's "I've been writing since before I understood how important it is and it shows"

It's "I've been writing and writing and writing and writing and now I'm here and I want all of you to experience it with me"

It's being obsessed with characters and a ship that is grossly overlooked and deciding that no, that's not good enough: I can't stop thinking about them and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem.

waltz of the damned

Legato sparkles so terribly brightly.

a composition in 9 movements

I've been lost in thought the past few days - probably in no small part because I haven't been getting enough sleep lmao - and I've had something positive come from it, at least! I've been writing fanfiction before I even really knew what it was, but I didn't start posting it online until late 2003 (so yes I'm coming up on 20 fucking years of putting fic on the internet)

And like, that's a lot.

But also...I ended up doing a breakdown of how much I've written and when. Because I took a four year break due to Life™ and for awhile, I had it in my mind that I wrote sooooo much more before. I felt like I was writing shit all the time as a teenager!!! But I guess that isn't the case.

From 2003-2011, I published 23 fics (30 if you count the individual drabbles in drabble collections)

insert life related break here (where I still wrote some but never published anything)

From 2015-2023, I published 141 fics (226 if you count the individual drabbles in drabble collections)

And that's a huge difference!!! Each of those chunks of time is 8 years but I wrote so, so much more during the second one. Which is great!!!! I can really see in a solid, measurable number why my writing has improved besides just being older, I guess.

Part of it definitely comes from learning to deal with my ADHD (especially getting medicated for it) and being with someone who is supportive of my writing not just with reading it, but by writing together as well. I've managed to learn how to finish more things but I'm also writing a hell of a lot more than I used to (nervously looks at pile of wips).

So like....I dunno, I'm rambling before 10 am when it feels like it's even earlier thx to the bitch that is daylight savings time AND I keep staying up until like 4 in the goddamn morning due to shitposting about Trigun but like...here I am in my 9 am class rambling about writing and time and how glad I am that I kept at it, because it's such a huge part of my life.

I can update this or write in my diary, and guess which one is more convenient? XD Someday I'll actually upkeep all aspects of my life, but.....not today, lmao.

Last week I got my first vaccine shot!! Pat got his yesterday and Liz gets theirs tomorrow, so we'll all be fully vaccinated around the same time :D I'm looking forward to a better summer than last year, at the very least!!!

Speaking of that- Liz and I went to the mall for the first time in like, a year, and caught up with some of the employees at the Hot Topic, who were super excited to see us :D The store manager is fantastic and I've actually known her since college, she's been there so long. So that was really nice ;w;

We're once again short-staffed at work because a bunch of people called out and some of our newly hired people aren't as reliable as expected >< So that's been fun!!! Probably gonna have to work an extra day again this week, which I'm super not thrilled about. Just....bluh. I dunno, is it so hard to find people who work out????

In better news, I actually wrote and posted a drabble this week!!! I joined chenqing_100 and managed to write something for the first prompt. I'm really hoping I can use drabbles to get back into writing more regularly again, but we'll see. Work burnout has been murderous, and I don't really see it changing any time soon...

........good to know that kingdom100 never deletes claims!! I claimed zemyx back in 2006, wrote two things, and then fucked off, because I'm terrible at completing things. But now with the release of kh3, I'm like, super jazzed to write a bunch of kh fic again!!!! So I was gonna just use the prompt table again and complete it as a personal project, but I figured I should see what happened to my claim. And it's technically still active XD

So. Hm. Guess I'll really be back on my bullshit, then XD I found my original post of the prompt table, but I think I'm gonna repost it once I actually start writing. I don't want to go digging back that far every time I need it.

Seriously though. Hoping these adhd meds keep working so that I can actually complete tasks, plz.

I finally did some writing yesterday!! I've been struggling with it - which happens every winter, but that doesn't mean I have to like it - and failing to even write basic outlines. But yesterday was the breaking point, I guess!! I wrote some juhaku at work and then came home and wrote weird vanven cannibalism, because I like to stay on brand.

Today's my day off so I'm making an effort to type up the vanven at least, because the rough draft is done. The juhaku is....barely started, but I've got a lot of ideas for it now :D

Other than that, I wanna do some more housework. Today I get to up the dose of my ADHD meds and that's prooooobably gonna help. Or at least I hope it will XD Fingers crossed!!