There is an evil within me, and it says: "make another mood theme"

I am debating making an ALKALOID one, but I also have to actually grind the jp event, you know? And it's sooooo time consuming, and the last time I made a mood theme I was basically a man possessed, and I don't wanna miss out on getting a bunch of copies of Mayoi!!

.....so we'll see XD

Finally posted icons to killiansicons because it had been a hot minute. I'd been fighting the feeling of inadequacy for not having "enough" to post, but I managed to convince myself that I was being fucking stupid.

Uhhh it's still fucking cold here and it keeps icing over, which is making digging ourselves out of the snow a real pain. Pat finally managed to find some ice melt at a grocery store, so that should help. And Liz is apparently a fucking beast at shoveling ♥ Which means our driveway may be cleared some time before spring. And then I can hopefully stop feeling so trapped ;w;

Needless to say, I'm kinda over winter at this point...and it's supposed to snow some more throughout the week. plz no more!!!! I'm done!!!!!!

I wanna be able to leave the house with ease!!!!!!!!!!

okay that's all I'm gonna either grind the event or get lost in mood theme hell, and even I don't know which~

You know what a foot of snow needs? Photoshoot in your backyard featuring a skirt you made in 2017 and then promptly forgot about!!! Pat very kindly braved the cold to bring my ~vision~ to life.


the skirt is so warm and the shirt was a poor life choice XD


I like to think I'm cute and funny, and I'm right~
At least now I know what I'm wearing to the ren faire this year ;D I made this skirt to wear to a vampire ball that Liz and I went to as part of our anniversary trip, and then just...never wore it again???? idk man, it looks good actually so I have no idea why I never found another use for it. Definitely wearing it in like, 9 months, when it's ren faire season. I've also just been wearing the skirt around the house because it's floor length, so it's keeping the warmth in. So yes, I'm wandering around with a black lace train like I'm living in the Addams Family, I guess XD

ANYWAY.

I did manage to make a few icons, so that's cool. I don't necessarily love them, but part of that is just...getting back into it...thankfully it's only been like 6 months so I'm not as rusty as I could be, but I still wish I could stay more on top of things and/or skip this stage.

And then the enstars event announcement is tonight and I'm sooooooo fucking anxious, since it's either gonna be MaM or ALKALOID, so my money is gone either way. If it's MaM, no one's gonna hear from me for a week while I grind out 22 mil points. sobs. It's just like.....some of my fave units have ended up last in the rotation and also why couldn't Madara have his event while I had a job and therefore more money to blow on a phone game? Like of course he waited until I had less disposable income. Bitch.

idk I don't have anything else to say, since I've been in the house all weekend. At least the snow is really pretty and we've had a fairly chill time just vibing. Trying to focus on the positives, you know?

Soooooooo I was hit with the inspiration to make this as I was going to bed last night, because Liz and I were joking about the "but babe, you love being gaslit" meme, which led to talking about Sena, which then of course led to discussing his indoor boyfriends XD It's funny, I absolutely could not stand this dude at first, but I've now begrudgingly come around- sort of.

All this is to say I just had to make this as soon as I woke up XD

Other than that...fixing sleep schedule is still going, uh, mid? I'm sleepy all the time and still not able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour, so fuck me I guess? I'm naturally more nocturnal, but everyone else in the household works a 9-5 and I wanna see them when they're awake :T

ALSO!!!!!!!!!!!! FIRST CLIMAX EVENT HITS ENGSTARS THIS WEEKEND AND I AM PUMPED!!!! It starts with Crazy:B, so you know I'm excited :D I love the MV; it's all of them going on a road trip and it just looks nice *w*

I started making an icon last night before bed, but was too tired to do much with it...and then this morning I was possessed by the desire to make something for Izumi Sena of all people...so I'm gonna try to get back to it.

I changed my laptop wallpaper today, because I got lost on pixiv + I wanted something summery~


art by 芦 ♥
Love how the only major change since the last time I posted my laptop bg is that I've added more versions of enstars to it XD I have good taste, I swear! Also finally remembered to include a shortcut to the control panel for mewdragon's online reader...since it's a weird url that I can never remember :T

Other than that, I've been fussy about the new enstars UI but not for major reasons, just more that I have muscle memory and only one of the versions I play has changed. I still play in ENG + CN and they won't be getting the UI change for yearssssss so I'm just struggling. And it's partially glitchy from being a massive change, so I have to be patient...something I'm bad at XD

I usually try to make the maximum amount of icons for challenges/contests I enter, but I'm still feeling burnt out ;w; I managed to pull together the minimum 5 for monthlyinspo, but most of them I'd made earlier in the month...bluh. I'm not happy with most of what I made, either.

BAD CREATIVITY BRAIN SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!

I did get the 5* from Sena's event today, at least!!! I don't even like him that much, but 1) the song slaps, 2) the aesthetic slaps, and 3) I'm trying to get as many copies of Leo's 4* from it as possible, which means I'm potentially getting two copies of the 5* XD


Senaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~ real talk tho I've been looking forward to this event for over a year; Or the Beautiful Golden Drop is hands down my favorite Knights song *w*
okay back to the jp event~ I'm not gonna get Hokuto from sitting on my ass ;D

THE ENSTARS MAINTENANCE WAS EXTENDED MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRRRRRR

okay now that that's out of my system...I'm not gonna lie, I'm very sad to have to wait an additional 24 hours to play around the with the new UI...at least there's a lot of good stuff going on in the ENG and CN servers - particularly my favorite anniversary event!!!! - so I can play with that, but still ;w;

Anyway, all I did today was play FFVII and get lost in enstars on my phone. Uh. I live a productive life, I swear XD


Cloud went on a chocobo date with Aerith (and kept fucking it up in very autistic ways, not helped by all their friends tagging along)

( more ff7 screenshots in here! )

tbh I feel like I accidentally burnt myself out on icon making for the next week or so. I entered a bunch of challenges for like...a month straight? Which was a ton of fun!! But now I'm kinda overdone on it I guess? Or more like my creativity is fried, probably because I made so many in such a short period- for me at least. idk I know some people make a lot more faster, but not me! The fact that I've made around 200 icons this year is a lot for me, and it's something I'm quite proud of! I guess I just need to chill out for a bit.

BLUH.

ANYWAY. Ending this on a more positive note: I managed to get Kohaku's newest 4* in CN!!!!


I love that he looks so fucking cute and it's all because it's Mayoi vision XD thx Mayoi, for making Kohaku seem so precious ♥


also, the newest worldwide mission outfit dropped in CN today, and it is delightfully fruity- it looks like a mix of "gay sailor" and "little Victorian boy", and I'm here for it ;D

First thing: Lumos is doing better!!! She's been eating more regularly today and we got her some new antibiotics...which she does not like, but she didn't throw them up. So I'm counting that as a win ♥

Now, let's catch up on the rest of my life, since the last few days with Lumos kinda drove everything else out of mind. I finished playing Crisis Core a couple nights ago and basically cried like a baby. Every fucking time I'm like "maybe this time it'll be different" even though I know it won't be. The nature of a prologue like this is to let the tragedy loom in the distance while every bit of the game fills you with such hope that you can't help but get swept up in it. But that's just it- Zack has to die so Cloud can become the protagonist, and it's so damn good ;w;

Seriously...I have only hazy memories of playing the original on the PSP back in high school. I mostly remember GACKT Genesis pulling a whole bunch of anime bullshit at the end, so I somehow forgot the incredible bit of plot integrating into the UI in the final fight. Holy shit it was good. That's the sort of thing that I love about video games; when the menus suddenly become key plot elements I lose it!!!! :D

Anyway, I now desperately wanna pick up the next part of the FFVII remake (despite not really liking the first one), but I don't wanna shell out $50 for it especially with how much everything with Lumos just cost sobs so...I'm replaying the original XD tbh I wanted the next part so I could finally get out of fucking Midgar and I didn't wanna replay the original because, well, Midgar. But I had a save file on the PS3 that's right before the final couple boss fights in Midgar, so I called that close enough and started playing it this evening.

AND I DISCOVERED SOMETHING:


YOU CAN CHANGE THE COLOR OF THE MENUS??????????????????
Literally I first played FFVII in 2004 and I somehow never realized this until today. Okay. I'm stupid XD This picture doesn't quite capture how pretty my color gradient is, but the PS3 doesn't natively take screencaps and I didn't feel running it through the capture card. Maybe another day~

In enstars news: I got both 5* cards from the jp tour last night!!!! I actually have enough whistles and event bonus that I can probably nab a second copy of each pretty easily, because apparently that's just what I do with year end tours in jp?? XD Whatever, I'm not complaining...I'm delighted to have more Rei and Tori cards.

Aaaaand a couple doujins + a small piece of merch came in the mail! Probably the next package from our jp shopping service will be the exciting one - new outfits for the nuis!! - but this one was still good :D

( more pics + enstars screencaps )

Anyway, I started a new community this week as well, because what good is stress if you don't turn it into making sparkle graphics? XD I'd been hoping for a freebie community to pop up on a DW because I didn't feel like I should be the one running it...for some deranged reason???? I ran a bunch of freebie communities on GJ back in the day, idk why I thought I wasn't qualified??? But talking with thewizardofoz about it the other day pushed me to ignore my nerves and just go for it!

SO!!! Now vogliaa exists, which is the name of one I ran on GJ. I held onto a bunch of old icons I used to use to post there + I managed to lift the profile from the wayback machine, so I had something to start with. The banners and layout coding are all brand new, tho the layout coding comes from someone who was very big during 00s-era of freebies/requestables. I think it looks very nostalgic and colorful and nice ♥

Everyone has been so nice about it so far btw ;w; I've gotten some really kind comments and it just reminds me of how much I love making icons, honestly. I know that it's a bit rose-tinted, but making requestables on GJ was such a formative part of my life...I know I wouldn't be who I am today if not for the community and friends I made there.

ALSO THE TEMPERATURE JUMPED TODAY FOR NO FUCKING REASON BLUH

Guess who drove down to DC to get a remaster of a video game? THIS GUY!!


it's nostalgia time babeeeyyyy
I'd been meaning to pick it up for years, but the price of a used copy finally dropped to something reasonable, soooooo~ TIME TO DRIVE TO THE ONLY GAMESTOP IN THE BALTIMORE/DC AREA WITH A COPY!!!! We got to the mall with approx. 15 minutes to get to the store before closing, which wouldn't be too hard if the mall wasn't so fucking massive. Seriously, there's both Costco and Target inside the fucking mall. It's too damn big.

BUT WE GOT IT!!! I'm delighted to have it on ps5 now - thus adding to my very small library of ps5 games, lmao - so that I can experience it again and show it to Liz and Pat. I played it when it first came out, so my memories of Crisis Core are hazy at best XD So it's exciting!!!!

.....except for, you know, the worst part of modern gaming:


WHY. CAN YOU NOT JUST LET ME PLAY MY FUCKING GAME???? WHAT MORE IS THERE TO INSTALL??????????
This game is over 21gb so it's taking forever to install for some god damn reason. I just want to keep beating up monsters!!!! sobs. It's still fucking working on it...hence why I'm making a dreamwidth post.

( mall pix + a throwback )

Anyway, this all started because I was making aeriseph icons for a challenge and so...they were on my mind ♥

OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY DONE BYE BYE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S ABOUT TO BE THE 4 HOUR MAINTENANCE FOR THE JP EVENT!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I love Eden and I love the look of this event and I cannot wait for whatever deranged bullshit Ibara gets up to XD

Today we went to Lidl and I got overdone, which appears to be a Lidl theme these days???? I mean I'm also just only feeling so well...I went too hard on Friday and I've been feeling it all weekend ;w; We did get fancy cheese and bruschetta, so I had a dinner of crusty bread with stuff on it. It was very tasty!!!!

I've also made a bunch of icons this week!!! I participated in iconthat for the first time in like...two years........idk I keep forgetting to check out their challenges somehow? I wasn't even sure if I'd participate in this one, since it was about making icons focused on specific emotions and I didn't wanna do something that seemed complicated XD But I ended up doing it and coming up with some really nice stuff~

By the numbers, I've made more icons in the first three months of 2025 than I did in all of 2024, so I'm quite proud of that! Hopefully I can keep this momentum going :D

Also, I recorded a bunch of SPPs in enstars today, because the discord chat was talking about them and I have, uh, a lot of cards. AND the new Kanata 4* came with his SPP for Eccentric Party Night, which I had to see.

Watch on YouTube

but he's sooooooooooooo cute so it was very worth it ♥
also this video was a pain in the ass to embed because I tend to use my own hosting, but that doesn't work with DW whine whine whine

But yeah!! I'm excited for Eden and excited for using that MV for evil purposes OwO aka, icon making~

So I'm (sorta) back on flight rising, because I've been playing since 2013 and I guess I'm not gonna stop ever XD I just take breaks sometimes because, idk, life is hard. But I've been on and off playing again....partially because I wanted to make fandragons from enstars.


FANDRAGONS ARE A KEY PART OF MY LAIR OKAY MY FIRST EVER DRAGON IS BAKURA AND HE'S PERFECT.
I haven't quite finished the ones I'm working on, but they're coming along nicely I think :D I'll share them once they reach a point that is...complete, I guess?

I haven't done much of anything the past couple days...Liz did get 3 copies of Shinobu from the event, so I'm very happy for them!!! I ended up with 3 copies of the Subaru from the graduation tour in engstars, because I had such a good event bonus???? idk entirely how it happened, but he's a really good vocal-based red card, so he'll fit right in with my red team. And the next Trickstar event is red, so.......I'm prepared!

Pat bricked his laptop today while trying to install Linux on it, and I couldn't get it fixed ;w; I only tried for a bit tho, so I think if either of us took the time we could get it booting again. He did back everything up first...which is good, just in case we have to wipe it all. I don't think that's necessary, but I'd need some more time with it to be sure :T

What else...

I recorded a bunch of enstars MVs to make icons with, mostly for monthlyinspo. This month's challenge is "head to toe", so basically full body crops for icons. And MVs are a great source of fun poses + the ability to put anyone in any outfit in them makes for nearly endless possibilities. I'm currently working on Leo ones, because I realized I'd made like none Leo icons, and that's a crime.

Also I swear I've done nothing but drink water lately and I'm still fucking thirsty. Urgh. I guess I'll trying having a Gatorlyte and hoping for the best :T WHATEVER.

BABY FISH IS FINALLY MIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!
JP is passing out 10 scout tickets like fuckin' candy this week because it's Welcome Festival, and today there was a guaranteed 5* 10 scout!!!! I've wanted this Kanata for soooooo long; he goes with my favorite Madara card (sad wet boy) and he's just really pretty in general *w*

SO THAT WAS NICE!!! Especially since I got a third copy of Kaoru's first feature scout, something I have never asked for but see all the time anyway. Such is gacha life!

In less fun news, I was completely unable to sleep last night. I felt like ass, so that meant...no sleep for me??? I have no fucking clue what's wrong with my body. So, instead of laying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, I got my laptop and made icons XD I finished sets for ic_animated and iconcolors :D I'm honestly very pleased with all of them...the challenge at ic_animated was unique in a fun way, and I used all of one screencap from all those YuGiOh episodes I downloaded. I'm, uh, good at things~

I did end up taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon...me and Lumos had a cat nap on the couch together ♥ I still don't feel great, but that helped somewhat.

Speaking of Lumos...I have some very cute pictures of her to share!!! Now that we've separated the cats in the house - Lumos on the first floor, Dennis and Lily on the second and third floors - she's starting to come out of her shell again!!! She just doesn't get along with Pat's cats and it's been stressing her out ;w; But I'm glad to see she's doing better!!!!!


she's rolling on the floor again!!! laying on her back like a weird, precious baby without a care in the world ;w;

( click thru for a few more pics of her! )

So that's all very good ;w; I'm just happy that Lumos is happy. She still keeps trying to come upstairs with us some nights, but I think the disappointment at not being able to sleep in our room is far less than the stress of being around the other cats all the time. I think once we're out of the adjustment period and she forgets about the upstairs, it'll be just about perfect :D

I'm also at risk at just rewatching all of YuGiOh, but that's unrelated to Lumos- tho she did seem quite interested in the dub when I was screencapping an episode XD She has the worst taste, I swear...it's very cute.

Final flex for this entry: I managed to perfect combo Ruby Love in engstars again!!!!! I did it during the event and just made peace with knowing I'd be giving up that saved autoplay, but apparently not!!!! I did it again! thx graduation tour for making me give it a shot~~~


Yuzuru is here to support me :D
okay back to photoshoooooop ;D