Okay, okay, okay, so I am obviously not high anymore because it's days later BUT there's something that lingered. And it's that my anxiety up and left. I cannot stress how incredible this is. Like. I can't properly put it into words.

But I feel light. Anxiety is this horrific weight that pulls me down, holds me back, crushes me every second of every day, and I had no idea how bad it was until it just wasn't anymore. I've still got the same physical disabilities as before but I still feel like I could run a marathon or frolic or do literally anything at all because I'm not trying to drag myself out from the misery of fear.

And I know it won't last forever but fuck if I wish it could; this is incredible. I haven't felt this good in years! Pat says I sound like I did in high school, back before my anxiety really kicked in. Like, okay, I had depression then but I didn't have this debilitating anxiety and fuuuuuuck I would like that to continue.

This isn't like the manic swings of my bipolar, either. Those usually come with increased anxiety along with the increased energy, but this is just...light. Fun. Freeing?? Do neurotypical people get to live like this for free? Fuckers!!!!!

Seriously though, I can't be high for 24+ hours every time I want to escape anxiety, so I'm gonna have to come up with a better method. Maybe a smaller amount of weed gummy????????? I don't fucking know how drugs work.

(the cafe I'm in just started playing the opening to p5 I'm gonna scream I think the cashier clocked us as weebs--- OH IT'S JUST THE WHOLE P5 SOUNDTRACK INCREDIBLE I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!)